New Subs and Sex Life

The last couple of weeks have had a lot of ups and downs. I had been recovering from my illness, focusing on time with my husband, and ultimately lining up all my socials and preparing for an actual harder launch of the blog and the podcast. That's right, at this time, I have almost no social posts; I have been busy. I prefer to have everything looking good so that I’m not trying to fix things while I’m working on my relationships with other people. 

I have decided to search for a new devoted sub. Now that I have things organized and a little more perfected I think that I am ready. I did put out a post and have been talking to a couple of good subs. I’m sure one of them will work out. 

Interestingly, in that journey I did meet a guy who was married and his wife gave him permission to talk and explore his desires online. I only found it interesting because we really hit it off. He told me about what she had said and I knew exactly what he was going through with his marriage. The only reason I bring it up is because I immediately asked him if she really knew what it entailed and how much he wanted. 

I don’t want to push people away. I am very for having healthy marriages and putting your partner first, though. I think that is a big part of why my husband has been good with everything. He said that he wasn’t sure she really understood how deep it was and what he wanted. Then asked if I had any advice for talking about it. I told him my story, how it took months to get to the point that I have with my husband, and how I started so slowly. I wasn’t working, so I convinced him to let me sell feet pictures, and then allow me to take on a sub that was friend-zoned, and how when I did that, he saw a change in my whole personality for the better. That I finally had a passion for something. 

The next day I got a message that he did talk to her (so fucking proud, it’s so hard), and she didn’t realize exactly what it was, and she wasn’t comfortable with it. We talked a little. I did offer to do ratings ect, as a pro domme for him. The next day, he sent me a message, and when I went to reply, he was deleted, which I am ok with. I knew what was going on, and he was absolutely sexually obsessed with me already. I only bring up the story becuase I want anyone else in a marriage to know to talk to their partners. Talking not just about why you like it sexually, but also about the mental side that we get almost a release from getting to participate in this. I know that sometimes, they will not understand and have a hard time seeing past it. My husband wanted to see me satisfied. He does not want to fulfill me in this way. 

I have not been very active in posting on socials and other things as I have been working so hard to get it all looking as good as I can and get everything streamlined. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and it changed over time. I wanted everything to be lined back up with me and my goals. 

I also found a new app that has been helpful in finding men to lock away. I have managed to lock a professional rigger, which is so awesome. I enjoy a beautiful dynamic with a switch. I have seen his work, and I hope to have guidance later that he can teach me to also get into shibari. I would say that this week has for sure been about exploring new apps mostly. I haven’t wanted to talk to many people due to the mental load of setting up everything to streamline. I have been working my regular job all day and then close that compter and come on to my own to work on these things. I will say, to do it right it’s a lot of work and trial and error. I think it’s all worth it, though. 

I have managed to have a more increased sex life with my husband. He really does listen and wants to please me. I will say we have had some of the best sex in the last couple weeks. Even with that, whenever he does something new we are still talking about how he felt about it. I have noticed he really gets into it the more I get into it. 

There was a moment, though, where he choked me while he was fucking me hard. I was staring at him, just so fucking happy and feeling soo fucking good! Omg. After we were talking I wanted to know how he felt, and he told me he loved and enjoyed it, but when he looked at me and I was looking in his eyes so intently, he felt kind of rapey. This was a little shattering for me I immediately told him I didn’t want him to do it. If he is feeling any kind of not good. We did talk more, though, and he had thought it was a look of fear. I can not express enough how much I love being used. I highly pointed that out to him so we will continue that and explore more. 

I noticed he loved torturing me when I’m cumming, and I think I’m going to try to introduce him to and teach him to be a pleasure dom. I mentioned it, he said, he could be into it. 

What a lucky girl I might end up being….I can’t recommend talking enough.