Dominance: Understanding Power Dynamics in BDSM (and how to Dominate.)
- Goddess Jackie Johnson
- Jan 12
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 25
If you are participating in BDSM with a partner for every session or scene, there is going to be someone who is leading, in charge, and responsible, AKA Dominant. If you are the dominant person or looking for someone to be dominant, there are several things that you should have in mind for safety and enjoyment. There are also a lot of different options and approaches to Dominance. What one person finds dominant and attractive might not have the same effect on others.
Who should Dominate in BDSM?
Dominance is showing authority over a physical partner, either during sex or outside of the bedroom. A Dom/Domme is not there just to wield control over another person. They are supposed to provide a safe, consensual space for both partners to feel empowered and grow. Having open communication, being able to self-reflect, and trying to obtain continuous education are very important for a healthy dominance dynamic. This is not expected of just one participant but of all partners involved.
Think of BDSM like cooking in a gourmet kitchen. The Dominant is like the head chef (not always Gordon Ramsey style; we’ll get to roles), and the submissive is the sous chef. The head chef might be calling the shots, but they still need to make sure everyone knows what’s on the menu, agrees on the recipe, and has the right tools they will need before turning on the stove.
Before you cook, you have to prep. You have to talk about allergies (limits), what everyone likes to eat (preferences), and how spicy they can handle it (risk levels). You set up some fire extinguishers just in case (safe words) and agree that if anyone smells something burning, you stop everything and figure it out together.
The chef doesn’t just crank up the heat without ensuring everyone else can handle and are comfortable with their tasks. The sous chef isn’t there to be bossed around for no reason or growth. They are working as a team to create a dish that everyone will enjoy in the most sinful way possible. After the meal, you sit down, talk about how it went, what you liked and didn’t like, and ensure nobody got burned. If they did, you have the honey ready to apply to the burn.
Does a Dominant have to act a certain way to be dominant?
When someone is dominant, it means that they hold authority. Every person has a different style they feel most comfortable portraying it. In fact, if anyone had any leadership classes, you know there are different styles of leadership. Similarly, there are many different categories of Dominants, so feel free to pick the one or ones, that best suits your needs. Also, ask questions and explore others about which you are curious. It should feel natural for you to take on or follow the role. Here are just some examples of roles you may see mentioned:
1. Master/Mistress
"I enjoy structure, discipline, and control."
Masters or Mistresses enjoy a high level of control over their submissives. They often create structured rules, rituals, and protocols to govern their dynamic.
Style: Formal, authoritative, often tied to total power exchange (TPE) or ongoing dominance.
Dynamic: Submissives may identify as slaves and willingly surrender significant control over aspects of their lives.
2. Owner
"I enjoy a deep sense of possession and care."
Owners focus on the concept of "owning" a submissive, often in a profoundly symbolic or literal way (e.g., collars as a sign of ownership).
Style: Highly possessive but nurturing, focusing on care and commitment.
Dynamic: Often overlaps with the Master/Mistress role but emphasizes the relationship as a "possession" dynamic.
3. Daddy/Mommy
"I enjoy nurturing and guiding."
Daddy Doms or Mommy Doms enjoy being caring, supportive, and protective figures in their dynamic.
Style: Gentle dominance with an emphasis on emotional care and personal development.
Dynamic: Often paired with a "little" who enjoys being cared for, playing innocently, or expressing vulnerability.
4. Sadist
"I enjoy giving consensual pain as a form of pleasure or connection."
Sadists thrive on administering pain, knowing their partner enjoys receiving it.
Style: Intense, physical, and often centered on impact play, sensation play, or other forms of consensual discomfort.
Dynamic: Typically paired with a masochist who derives pleasure from the pain.
5. Primal Predator
"I enjoy raw, instinctual dominance."
Primals focus on animalistic, unscripted interactions that emphasize power and instinct.
Style: Untamed, spontaneous, often involving play-fights, growling, or physical dominance.
Dynamic: Paired with a Primal Prey partner who enjoys being "hunted" or dominated in a feral way.
6. Rigger
"I enjoy the artistry of rope bondage."
Riggers specialize in rope play, focusing on creating beautiful or restrictive ties.
Style: Artistic, technical, and often patient, combining aesthetics with control.
Dynamic: Paired with a rope bunny who enjoys being tied up and restrained.
7. Handler/Trainer
"I enjoy teaching and guiding."
Trainers focus on "training" their submissives, often as pets (puppies, kittens, ponies) or within specific skill sets.
Style: Structured, encouraging, and goal-oriented.
Dynamic: Paired with a pet or submissive eager to learn and grow under guidance.
8. Degrader
"I enjoy playful humiliation."
Degraders engage in consensual humiliation, using verbal or situational tactics to reinforce power dynamics.
Style: Verbal and psychological, with a focus on pushing consensual boundaries.
Dynamic: Paired with a partner who enjoys being demeaned in a consensual and affirming way.
9. Brat Tamer
"I enjoy a challenge and playful rebellion."
Brat Tamers thrive on managing and "taming" a partner who enjoys playful defiance.
Style: Playful, firm, and reactive to their partner’s cheeky resistance.
Dynamic: Paired with a brat who enjoys testing boundaries in a fun, consensual way.
10. Service Top
"I enjoy providing sensations or experiences my partner desires."
Service Tops focus on performing specific acts their partner wants without necessarily taking psychological control.
Style: Accommodating, skill-based, and partner-focused.
Dynamic: Paired with a bottom who directs the type of play they want to experience.
11. Gentleman/Lady Dom
"I enjoy subtle dominance with a touch of class."
Gentlemen or Lady Dominants lead with elegance, calm authority, and respect.
Style: Polished, respectful, and sophisticated.
Dynamic: Often paired with submissives who appreciate understated dominance.
There is often a combination of one or more styles, and there are other styles as well. These are the primary roles most often seen in a power dynamic to describe the dominance style/enjoyment. I myself would say I am a primal, owner, handler, and brat tamer. You really can enjoy more than one style.
With great power comes great responsibilities
It’s all fun and great to get to control someone, but if you are not doing it in a consensual and safe manner, you are abusing them. I can't say this enough if you haven’t noticed. Being a Dominant and having someone at your every whim, does sound pretty great, I know, but it also means you are in care of that person’s care and well-being during that time. You’re the Owner, and this is your favorite toy/pet/child. You want to enjoy your time together but ensure it’s taken care of and well maintained. Safety gear and aftercare kits are as essential as any whip or paddle.
Emotional Saftey Matters
Let’s start with safety—your number-one, non-negotiable priority. Being in control does not mean being reckless; it means the opposite. Understanding how your toys, technique, and words impacts your partner. Ever tried rope bondage? Great! Did you also learn how to tie without cutting off circulation? You better have, or that pretty shibari pattern won’t matter much when someone’s wrist goes numb, turns black, and falls off (extreme, but possible). Safety isn’t just sexy; it’s mandatory. A True Dominant knows their tools, respects limits, and keeps a knowing eye on their partner’s physical and emotional state.
Safety isn’t just physical. It’s also emotional. Let’s break down SSC, RACK, and PRICK—the key frameworks for understanding consent and safety in BDSM.
SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) emphasizes keeping activities within boundaries that are objectively safe and mentally sound, ensuring all participants clearly agree. It’s a structured, somewhat cautious approach meant to prioritize broad safety standards.
RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), on the other hand, accepts that some BDSM activities inherently involve risks. It shifts the focus to informed consent, where participants understand and accept the potential dangers.
PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink) takes it a step further by emphasizing individual responsibility. It acknowledges that consent and awareness are crucial, but each person is accountable for their own choices and the outcomes.
The differences? SSC is the safety-first rulebook, RACK is the thrill-seeker’s manifesto, and PRICK is for those who say, “You’re an adult—act like it.” All valid, but pick the one that works best for your dynamic.
Aftercare Matters
Now, let’s talk about aftercare because you’re not just walking away after the fireworks are done. Aftercare is your responsibility the grounding moment after the high where they can know that they did well. Whether it’s cuddles, water, a favorite snack, or just a quiet moment to breathe, aftercare keeps the trust intact. Think of it like dessert: the scene isn’t truly over until you’ve served it. Without it, you’re not a Dominant; you’re just someone playing dress-up and causing damage to other people.
It’s also a good time to address how each other is feeling. Talk about any emotions that came up, and things that were enjoyable or not so much but fine. Sometimes walking back through it and knowing where each other’s heads were at, in a more vanilla space, helps tighten the bonds and further the ability to explore. It also makes subs feel safer being able to use safe words should the time come that they are needed.
Remember, as a Dominant, you’re not just the “boss” of the scene—you’re also the safety officer, emotional caretaker, and quality assurance manager. Your partner trusts you with their vulnerability, their body, and their mind. That’s a privilege, not a given, and it’s your job to handle it with care. So, yes, enjoy the power, but wield it wisely. A good Dominant knows that their true strength lies not in how hard they can push, but in how deeply they can care.
True Dominance is not just about commands and control, but also care.
Hope this helps.
Good luck, darling.
Have fun, and be safe.
Goddess Jackie Johnson
Resources:
Easton, D., & Hardy, J. W. (2011). The New Topping Book. Greenery Press.
Wiseman, J. (1998). SM 101: A Realistic Introduction. Greenery Press.
Taormino, T. (2012). The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge. Cleis Press.
Comments